I'm Alive
[I haven't been on here because I've not been reading... >/<]
Anyways...just wanted to say hi and share something, sorry I've got nothing book related. [TW: Implied eating disorder mentioned]
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I broke up with a toxic relationship. This has put me on the path of a new journey, a magical adventure!
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I stopped talking about my health journey (as in my "weight loss" journey) because it got me to an obsessive point with working out, tracking every little detail and trying and failing to change my diet many, many times.
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It made my relationship with food worse. I would punish myself when I ate something "bad" by going on a fast, which meant not eating for a day or so. Sometimes I told myself, "okay, I will try to do a 3 day fast, or even a week fast." I seriously wanted to, but I never made it and ended up binge eating something "bad" again and starting the cycle of punishing myself all over again. The fast was seen as a good thing, a cleanse, so to speak.
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Not only that but beating myself up constantly while on my so-called journey. I would push myself to go beyond what I know my body could do on certain days because I didn't want to let others down by failing. I think that may be one reason why my chronic pain, depression, and anxiety are at an all-time high. I put too much pressure on my mind, body, and soul.
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Goodbye Diet Culture. We're never, ever getting back together. I'm striving to love myself and my body in all its stages. I am working toward not caring one lick what others think of me and my body. I'm working toward being positive, finding peace and tranquillity.
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Here are things I want to be routine & practice daily: Meditation, positive affirmations (even if that means talking to myself more), stretching, working up to yoga, remembering gratitude...etc.
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As for food, no food is bad, but I honestly know that because of my digestive problems and autoimmune, there are foods I should avoid. However, I won't beat myself up if I eat them. I'm trying to learn to eat intuitively and my body is not liking wheat, too much dairy, and meat. Not only do these things make me really sick/in pain or jump-start IBS, they just make me feel sluggish, heavy and generally unwell.
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I usually write dark poetry(which has its purpose), but I will leave you with something positive I wrote yesterday:
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Hear Me,
Power of Healing
Let me be free of anxiety
Hear Me,
Power of Healing
Let me be cleansed of dark energy
Hear Me,
Power of Healing
Cleanse my mind and my space
Cleanse, heal, peace
Cleanse, heal, peace
Cleanse, heal, peace
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If you read this, you are beautiful, you are worthy, the world needs you and I love you.
Blessed Be!
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